him

as we sit amongst the grass

that brings life to this earth

as we connect on the concrete

that has been a place

a stop on the journey

for so many

you see

is it in the gentleness of a voice

or the abruptness of laughter

the touch in your present state

or simply in our eyes

or is it spelled all over my face

he is more able then I

I because of him

pieces of me

despite these you see him

do you know what you see?

him who is able and greater

he reveals himself in our frames 

see him not me

he alone is good

stillness

Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he 

has brought desolations on the earth. 

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spears;

he burns the chariots with fire.

"Be still, and know that I am God.  

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!"

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46:8-11

reflections. . . 

 be still my child. . . still as a sleeping baby. . . a tree untouched by the wind. . . 

be still as the distractions melt away. . . as the tensions of the mind find ease. . . 

Is it easier to know when I am still?

Stillness reflects a posture of humility- being still with open hands as releasing all things to him who is able and trustworthy. Recognizing that he is God. He will be exalted among the nations and in the earth.  It is God who moves and allows us to rest and be still in him. 

Does stillness bring perspective?

people leave

their on a journey

they stop for whatever

and my heart grows fond

i forget they leave

it is ok to be sad

in my grief

i'm reminded

some plant

some water

and God grows

they leave

i'm sad

i miss them when they are gone

man made

that which never was

brings sadness

i made it what i wanted

and it left me sad

the perceived world 

leaves one end

reality

desperate for what i wanted

left sad by the way things are

show me what is real

as to spare this sadness

over things i wished were

bring to light

that which is real

and far beyond what i perceive

a picture

as a little girl i shiver

arms wrapped tightly around my legs

tears flooding my eyes as i lay my head down

the light breaks forth

am i seeing things?

i've tried to make this happen before

i've tried to light the way out of this place

exhausted by my efforts to keep the flame going

i retract, sit, cry, and wait

thinking that hope is gone

the darkness is thick and heavy

the ray of light seems small

can i trust it?

will it lead out of this place?

what will happen?

will it hurt?

will it be better?

does hope exist in this light?

oddly comforted by the darkness i remain

faintly remembering the promises of light

step out and risk the goodness of the light

to be released into light

to break free of this dark place

which entangles gently

the tangles unknown will be exposed through light

i've seen the goodness

but i don't trust it now

i slowly get up

stiffened by time and deeply effected by this place

i crawl towards the hope of light

will it remain?

exhausted i come 

in need of much

guide and release me from this place

even when i don't trust

tears

if tears were pearls i would lack

yet on that day i would be greatly adorned

if my tears had words what would they say?

would they express all that i wish

or expose the hurt that runs deep in my soul?

frustrated at my lack of total persuasion

i weep

desiring to know and believe without a moments lapse

i weep with eyes looking into mine bearing my pain

love abounds

in the darkest moments when hurt is all i feel

love abounds

when i remember the way it felt once

love abounds

i know, i trust, i forget, yet you remain

frustrated perhaps by a need that will always exist

everyday there is an offer, to come to this place

when these things connect tears form

crying out in a way that is deep and raw

you surround me in this place

expressing my heart in a way that only tears can

i weep

but your love always abounds

(a poem about the place i feel like God is bringing me through.  a place that is uncomfortable and challenges much of me and what i know, but desiring to engage this place to grow in my understanding of his unfailing love.  Praise Jesus for his continual grace in my life.  His patience in my small scope of understanding and his desire to bring me past this and into a place of restoration and deeper understanding.  A place where I can know his love more and live resting in this understanding.)

reflections

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
matthew 5:3

I was recently on a solitude retreat and I read this verse. I have never before thought and weighed the words of Jesus in this passage. When i think and reflect on the word poor i think of dependency, great need, and recognition of that which cannot be provided in themselves. Blessed, Jesus says, are those that are poor in spirit. The poor in spirit are those that are desperate. Those that have searched the ways of their own heart and seen their great inability mend the wonunds. In their own Spirit they see their poverty. They are unable to satisfy their great need for Jesus. Recognizing their need to be rescued from their sin and destitute without the mercy and grace offered through Jesus Christ. They will receive the kingdom of God. Those that see their poverty and desperation for Jesus to come and make whole that which is broken and in need of much. It is necessary of me to see how desperate I am before our Savior- this is a posture of humility that God desires in his kingdom.

In the kingdom of God the greatest is:

"Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

matthew 18:4

"Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is the one who is great."

luke 9:48

"If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all."
mark 9:35

In my flesh I rebel against this idea of being in need. But it is through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ that the blind are made to see. This is a posture and an attitude that I desire to recognize constantly in my own life. In a culture where the least are overlooked it is an incredible idea to wrap my mind around that Jesus desire us to see our great need and poverty for a Savior and those that are last will be first. It is in this that we will grow into the love of God and our lives will be forever change because of this truth. I pray that God would constantly remind me of my need and praise him for the mercy that he has provided throught Jesus.