pieces

it seemed to happen as i was sitting there
her tears quickly replaced her words
every tear that fell echoed on the hallow earth
she is tired, frustrated, and without hope
she gave up everything for this life
this life and relationship that she thought would be different
it was all at once that her heart and her wounds were exposed
it was broken before me the pain was bare
unable to pretend the wounds were not there
silence
i desired to speak and make it well
silence fell upon me
but what my heart felt is unspeakable
i saw her preciousness, her woundedness
her desire for hope
her questions wondering if life would ever be different
the pieces of her heart said it all
i found silence
knowing my words and offerings would not do
silence
thinking of the restoration that she hopes for

kingdom eyes

Children wading in water that was running from the trash mountain in efforts to clean their treasures. Homes established with cardboard and the floor of the earth. Age 40 is all that is expected if life isn't stolen by disease or disaster first. Families trying to survive on that which they could spare from the mountain of garbage. No running water and no electricity. Squatting around the filth and waste in hopes of having a life that is better. Seeking freedom from this financially broken place to provide and survive as a family.

The beauty of the park is unspeakable. If you looked closely at night in the bushes you would find homes. Going to bed in fear of attack, flood, or being ticketed for being in this place. Waking up to every rat scurrying and branch snapping with fear gripping their hearts. Some sell, most buy, yet others live and breath in this place with no addiction to hide behind. Wondering where your next meal will come from or what to do when the big rain storm hits. This is the idea of ultimate "freedom" for many.

We're fenced in, gated around, and hiding in our homes. The scars and defects of this life are painted over. This is a dream for so many people to be protected by this place. Needs of people are easily tucked behind walls and shoved behind closed doors. You work hard, provide the best you can for your family, and live this life that is expected of you thinking that this is the only way. Things seem good and very ideal, yet the issues beneath the surface are undefined and ignored as if they don't exist.

These places seem so different at first glance. The lifestyles, issues, diseases, context, culture, and realities of these places are very unique. One thing that I was challenged with when I first came to this city (SF) was to see with eyes that were not my own. To see what Jesus sees on these streets and in the park and to have kingdom eyes. It is hard to remove the lens that have defined my eyes for so long but slowly God is stripping them from me and allowing me to see so much more then those things that I have listed and described. It is easy to see one place and claim that it is easier and more attractive to be in then another. Going from once place to another it is easy and I may be quick to judge that which is on the outside and seems to define a place. Whether I am in North Dakota, San Francisco, or the Philippines. I see my sin in this and I am praying that God would continue to bring me from this place and give me kingdom eyes. While I was back home for a couple of weeks I prayed that God would give me eyes to see beyond that which is on the surface. That he would give me eyes that gaze upon his kingdom and this world from that perspective. I think that themes are a good thing and I see a few that have come up this year thus far in my learning. One is needs. We all have them and many of them are different then the next persons, yet there is one that is true and consistent that dwells under the surface and the circumstances of the place we live in. The same struggles, addictions, pains, sorrows, joys, hurts, and fears can exist in all of these places that seem so different when we look from the outside. I love diversity and the adventure of discovering, being a part of, and experiencing a new place. However I feel like the more I think and process the places that I have been one thing is the same wherever I go. People need Jesus. We are all dealing with and working through pain and junk in our lives. We are all in need of a Savior that can redeem us from this place and ourselves. This need is played out differently in people's lives, but it is there and God desires to break through these places. I pray that God would continue to shape my heart and to refocus my eyes to see his hand in these places and to be attentive to his kingdom as he brings it more into focus in the places I live.